Mr. Gazillionaire On Delivering His Intoxicating ABSINTHE to Your Laps

Gil Kaan

Writer, Registered Critic

With an award-laden, six-year run in Caesars Palace in Vegas; ABSINTHE, hosted by its incomparable master of ceremonies Mr. Gazillionaire, will be playing at LA Live starting March 22, 2017 for a limited engagement. Better Lemons and I were fortunate enough The Gazillionaire could find a couple of minutes to answer our probing, tongue-in-cheek queries.

Hello there and thank you for taking your invaluable time to answer these questions. Should I call you Sir Gazillionaire? Mr. Gazillionaire? Or just Gaz?

The Gazillionaire or Gaz is fine. 

To the uninitiated and the unwashed, please describe the Number One Greatest Show in Las Vegas ever, ABSINTHE.

The show features the hottest, most talented and provocative performers in the world and is hosted by me, which is an extra treat. Imagine your wildest wet dream, add nine more people, three goats, a yacht, 15 bags of cocaine and a ton of lube; and you might be close to how great this show is. 

I’m sure you would say that ABSINTHE is incomparable to anything out there. But how would you draw analogies to some revered acts that people might already know?

Cirque du Soleil as channeled through the Rocky Horror Picture Show.

Did you originally drink gallons of absinthe in the name of research for this show?

I actually use absinthe to rinse my mouth out in the mornings. Gives me a good kick in the dick first thing in the morning. There was an old gypsy woman I met in Istanbul. She showed me the magical elixir and how it can be used to coax money from wealthy businessmen. They just open their wallet for you. So…

How did you initially come up with your distinctive look?

I was born this way. When you’ve got it, you’ve got it.

If someone wanted to copy your look, how would you instruct them in styling their hair on top of their head? And on their upper lip?

Ugh, I’m actually sick and tired of people trying to dress and act like me. There are thousands of them walking around Vegas and Lithuania. Be your own person. 

How often do you change your fabulous outfits?

Change outfits? What do you mean? I’ve just got one.  My idiot assistant Dotty cleans it for me multiple times a day. 

How long have you and Penny Gibbets been partners?

Penny was my old assistant. I fired her ass! Lazy bitch! My new assistant is Dotty Dibble. Just as annoying and possibly even stupider. Hard to find good help these days. 

Can LA LIVE audiences expect lots of costumes? Or lots of skin?

Lots of costumes that come off to reveal lots of skin.

Would you encourage those attending ABSINTHE to sit in the front rows for a better tactile experience?

Sitting in the front row is definitely a more testicle experience. Get in there!

Aside from the self-described “offensive” lapdances, what other visuals will the ABSINTHE audience be seeing? (i.e., girl in balloon, roller skating)

Lots of hot sweaty bodies in motion. Guys and girls, there’s definitely something for everyone in this show. Aerialists, contortionists (famous head-inside-vagina move), back flips and a couple guys swinging around on horizontal poles. You might even see a peepee tip!

BTW, how many millions is a Gazi?

More than you can count.

When and how did you make your first million?

Producing a show when I was six.

You’ve been producing and hosting ABSINTHE at Caesar’s Palace for six years now. What easy ‘in’ do you have with the centurions?

Man, those guys love to fuck! Just take them some sheep and you can have anything you want!

Since you have endless amounts of money, name your dream celebrity-filled cast and what they would do (trapeze, hula hoop, slip on a banana peel).

Neil Patrick Harris – Host

Dave Grohl – Musician

Ivanka Trump – Contortion (head inside vagina!)

The Rock – Bodyguard and stripper

Channing Tatum – stripper

Helen Mirren- Stripper pole

Betty White – flying trapeze

Kim Kardashian – clean up

I’m sure you and your troupe are all total professionals and never let your audience see you sweat (Unless you want them to!). Share with us an incident that didn’t go as planned during a show, that was seamlessly covered up without the audience noticing the mishap. 

Dotty constantly fucks up every night. Other than that shit, the show is perfection.

But, seriously now, don’t you ever get hot and bothered with all the sexiness surrounding you?

Yeah, I guess. But I’ve fucked all the performers already, the ones I want to anyways. That’s how they got their jobs.

Have you been ABSINTHE-ing so long that you never get nervous?

Why would I get nervous? People are idiots and I’m not.

What is the best compliment you have ever received as Gazillionaire?

I’d let you fuck me with all three of your dicks!

What would pleasure you more, to have your ABSINTHE audience leaving –  Laughing? Titillated? Awed? Wowed?

Opening their wallets and dumping whatever cash they have left into a bucket.

Thank you, Mr. Gazillionaire! I look forward to feeling all kinds of emotions from experiencing your ABSINTHE.

For further info and ticket availability through April 23, 2017, visit

Gil Kaan, a former Managing Editor of the now-defunct Genre magazine, has had the privilege of photographing and interviewing some major divas in his career, including Ann-Margret, Diana Ross, Faye Dunaway, Carol Channing, Shirley MacLaine, Catherine Deneuve, Liza Minnelli, Sandra Bernhard, Anna Nicole Smith, Margaret Cho, and three Catwomen—Eartha Kitt, Lee Meriwether and Julie Newmar. He had the fortuitous opportunity to conduct Lily Tomlin’s coming out interview. Gil has since reviewed movies and theatre for a number of local and national outlets.
A photo montage of Gil’s Halloween Carnavale photos through the last decade was recently included in the WeHo@ 25 juried exhibition.